The Ultimate Gamer Work-Out Machine that's Dirt Cheap!

I've taken a bit of a hiatus from posting and that's due to some events in life that finally happened (don't worry nothing bad at all) and all that means is that I have a little less time now to write.

In reference to an earlier article I wrote about how to stay fit and 733T, I mentioned that raising your heart rate a bit and doing it for long periods of time is a great way to burn calories.  I also said that an eliptical or stationary bike is a great way to put that theory into practice.  Then I realized that not everyone can just go pickup an exercise machine on a whim.  I did a little bit of research and this is a solution that I came up with.

Dig, Explore, Create... Survive [Minecraft]

I've hit this kick with discovering indie games lately.  One that has rocked the independent community as of late, and one that has caused bags under my eyes already, is called Minecraft.

The game is currently still under heavy development but you can purchase it now for a discounted price (9.99 euros to be exact... don't know how to make a euro symbol) and you get a lifetime of free updates and access to the most interesting "Alpha" mode.  The premise of the alpha game is literally this: you spawn in a random place, ready go.  With no tutorial or warning the day/night cycle begins immediately and you are free to do as you wish.  You can explore the world, begin harvesting materials, climb some mountains, whatever you want.  However, once the sun sets on the first day you suddenly realize that this adorable, blocky, pixelated world is downright deadly.  Zombies, skeletons, spiders, and creepers will begin hunting you as soon as the sun fades away.  Hopefully by now you've at least discovered how to craft a pick-axe and a sword otherwise you'll be holding the "W" for a full night of running away.

Minecraft is one of those rarities that still give me hope for eventually having a high-production, truly sandbox experience.  This game blew up once it was released and made its developer quite happy with the revenue it generated so hopefully this idea will catch on.

Pictures and video of my own experience with the game to follow.

Final Fantasy Dissidia 012: Duodecim

Warm up those gamer muscles because Dissidia's big brother is coming down the pipe.  Check out the trailer from Gamesradar.com!  Why did they name it in order to give us a counting lesson, what does dudecim mean... I don't know, ask Microsoft how the hell they name their products and you'll probably find the answer.  Looks like "assist" attacks can happen in this game, a la Marvel vs. Capcom.  Prepare for epicness...

The challenge of being a fit gamer

This article is meant to motivate you a little bit.  Here are some work-out ideas for gamers who may not know where/how to get started for healthier living while still playing their favorite titles.

The source of this information I'm using for this entry I'm mainly pulling off of this Marine Corps Times article but also from my experience from various PE classes, nutritionalists, and guys who know a lot more about fitness than I do.  Definitely give the article a read through.

Vindictus Preview

Thanks to the charitable nature of Youtube user MySuckyLife (a pleathora of thanks be shone apon you), I was able to obtain an early access beta key for Nexon's new submission in North America's free-to-play realm... Vindictus.  Known in other parts of the world as Mabinogi: Heroes, this game takes place in the Mabinogi universe although it is a prequil to the original Mabinogi game.

Now typically when you hear "free to play" or "Nexon" or "Aunt Gertrude is only staying for a little while," you think "....meh."  However, I'm here to say, I was absolutely blown away by the game's introduction and... wait for it... graphics!  Being a free to play game, you aren't expecting great production values but Vindictus is different.  It is driven by the Steam engine and easily played on low spec systems but it is absolutely gorgeous on higher spec rigs.

New DMC by Ninja Theory

So you remember when Dante was a quip-spurting badass with an attitude, a monstruous sword, and grey hair?  Me too, but aparently Ninja Theory (makers of Heavenly Sword and the upcoming Enslaved) have put a new spin on the demonic anti-hero.  They are attempting to "westernize" the series for us over here in the states... resulting in a Dante that looks like an insane methhead version of Hayden Christensen from Life as a House (good film, check it out).

I'm not an aggressor towards change, in fact I feel that change is the only thing keeping the human race alive... and video games interesting.  However, that doesn't mean that you should take a formula that works and "westernize" it.  In the meantime, go check out the trailer and see what I mean for yourself.

The new title will simply be deemed DMC *crosses fingers and hopes it's not as bad as DMC:2*

A Game of Survival

Literally, we need one.  I'm talking the walking dead, MMO style play with APB mechanics... just not as terrible, skills, the need for water, food, and shelter, rival human beings that you can either team up with or fight to the death to grab their gear.

I'd love to see Fallout 3 depth of exploration (and loot system with a little bit of random Borderland-ness) with an area the size of ARMA II (as well as shooting mechanics) with a personal upkeep system akin to the Sims with skill systems from Ultima Online (or Mortal Online if they ever get that straight) with a colony (i.e. guild) based system that mimics the team-work of Love (actually an MMO) and the fun but complex system of Harvest Moon. 

This is just a thought and it needs expounding upon, please help because I would love to pitch this idea to a company (so maybe I shouldn't be blabbing about it on the internet.... oh well!).  I'd buy it in a pico-second.

Title Change - Being a Fit Gamer

So I recently realized that my blog was attempting to steal the name of another, called "Ineffablog" but I stamped out that revolution before it got out of hand, Bay of Pigs style.  I initially spelled it wrong which is why the domain was available, since then I've had to change it.

Explanation:  The Gamer Muscle (as far as I know I've coined this phrase) refers to the slab of meat in between your thumb and pointer finger.  If you make a fist and wrap your thumb over your finger and flex (as if your making a hand puppet talk), and only if you are a true gamer, this fine cut of controller-mashing sirloin should stand out as a pinnacle of trained perfection... one to be truly proud of.  But something else to be proud of is being healthy and fit (if only to live longer to play more games!!!!!%@!), which our kind sometimes has an issue with.

Now let's be honest, there is a gamer stereotype out there that permeates our culture that we are all fat slobs who have no life and tend to have awkward social skills.  It may be true, but it's also a stigma that I would love to erase from the face of mass-media and social norms alike.  Although it is a challenge, it's not incredibly hard to maintain a healthy social relationship with others, keep your self trim, have a 40 hour week work schedule, and still quench the thirst to slay that damn Fatalis that's haunted you for months (for all you Monster Hunter's out there) or watch Hideo Kojima's latest 45-minute cutscene without being interrupted, or conquer the entire Swadian nation (Mount and Blade for those not in the know... damn Swads).

I'm not claiming to be a work-out guru, (I'm not the most ship-shape individual but I can climb a tree if there's a flesh eating ghoul at my heels) however, I know there are fellow virtual-conquistadors out there that may want to work on their image and if I can help you with that I certainly will.  Drop me a line, comment, whatever, and let me know what you are interested in doing.

J. L. Bourne is a zombie artistic genious!

Within the past 72 hours I've been unable to do anything but read J. L. Bourne's books and sweat nervously at night for fear of getting devoured alive.  Day by Day Armageddon and Beyond Exile:  Day by Day Armageddon are honestly the most compelling pieces of zombie literature that I have ever read.  The former came out last year but the later arrived in book stores at the beginning of July. 

It spins a tale about a Naval Aviator who begins keeping a journal as his New Year's resolution just as the epidemic begins to rear its ugly head.  The books are written from the perspective of the narrator and the books are his journal entries that he diligently keeps while fighting for his life.  If you are even remotely interested in science-fiction this book will feed your appetite... if you are a zombie-apocalypse-can't-wait-for-it-to-actually-happen type of fan, then you'll get a stiffie reading these adventures.  Check them out, it's worth your time.

However, a bit of criticism.  Although an expertly spun tale, it does jump the shark towards the end.  Not nearly enough to exacerbate the novels' enchanting story, but enough to slightly jar the euphoria you've been in since the title page.

How will you prepare for the zombie apocalypse?

Forewarning:  This will be a popular topic on the blog

If you're anything like me you have bought into the zombie craze that plagues pop culture today.  And why wouldn't you?  Imagining yourself in a burnt out, transformed society where Wal-mart will no longer be your means of sustenance with rampant lawlessness and constantly being on the lookout for flesh-eating ghouls is nothing short of exhilarating.  Oh yeah, not to mention running into lunatics that haven't been infected yet that will, no doubt, already be in places you're looking to shack up for the night.  Sweet dreams

So picture yourself, at home, work, gym, 7-11, Best Buy, Quizno's, Piercing Pagoda, Ralph's Adult Super Store, I don't care (sicko) but would you be prepared to defend yourself from the living dead?  If you haven't composed a zombie-escape plan for your house yet then your behind the power curve.

Write about getting out of your hometown alive, how you would move your loved ones, what your weapon of choice would be, where would you go?  Are there different zombie types you've come in contact with?  Let me know because I'm genuinely interested.

REFERENCES (ZOMG!#$)
If I've motivated your inner survivor, there are plenty of fountains of knowledge to slake your thirst:
-- Max Brooks:  Author of "The Zombie Survival Guide" and "World War Z", which are both books nothing short of epic
-- Left 4 Dead (1 and 2) - made by Valve, downloadable (word?) on Steam, the closest you'll probably ever come to caving in some maggot infested craniums (unless your a sadistic grave robber, in which case go eat a Glock you freak)
-- The Walking Dead - Fantastic comic book series written by Robert Kirkman, Charlie Adlard, and Cliff Rathburn
--  The Zombie Hunters - An online comic I discovered and actually enjoy, check it out

What you need to make a computer.

So I realize that there are absolutely no posts on my blog about computers yet, so here is a list of components you need to make your own from a biological perspective:

-- Chassis / Case  (the skin)
-- Motherboard  (the circulatory, nervous, and skeletal system)
-- Processor  (the brains)
-- Video Card  (the muscle)
-- Hard Drive  (the long term memory)
-- RAM Memory  (the short term memory)
-- Optical Drive  (the eyes)
-- Power Supply  (fuel needed to run everything)
-- Operating System  (speech and interaction capability, typically complements of Bill Gates)
-- Anti-virus software  (immune-defense system)

Some people don't realize how easy it is to assemble a computer.  The hard part is determining whether or not parts are compatible with one another.  After that it's all about plug and play!  The motherboard comes packaged with instructions on how to hook everything up and in what order.  Parts these days are also built idiot-proof so even an English major can assemble a working rig (props to all the BA's out there, if I ever have to read Pride and Prejudice one more time I'll gouge out my optical drive with a dull spoon).

You'll notice that the above list does not have a nose or ears... and that's because computers don't need noses or ears so don't be ridiculous.  Perhaps I'll make another list that details computer parts and their plant counter-parts, such as a motherboard being xylem and phloem... or a power supply being mitochondria (there's a trip back to middle school for you).

New Kitten and Flea Removal (no this isn't about how to remove kittens...)

My wife and I recently picked up a free kitten off of craigslist!  The owner was originally from a tiny hamlet on the eastern side of the southern Ural mountain range in the Motherland.  I have no idea how she got to America but I'm glad she did because we now have Griffin, an all grey bundle of fluff, teeth, and needle-like talons.  If you'd like to check him out, head over to my YouTube page.

Griffin unfortunately had a lot of fleas on his body though and he's not going to see the vet until next week because he's too still too young.  However, there is something you can do to help, we found this de-flea-ing guide paroosing google that worked very well.  Below is what we did to remove the fleas that differs a bit from the website's method but still seemed to work (side note: I'm not trying to steal their idea, but their article is what spurred us to do the following):

Here's what you need to remove fleas from your new edition's body:
-- Towel (maybe two)
-- Tweezers
-- Dawn mild dish detergent (or another mild soap like baby shampoo)
-- Tape (preferably duct tape or something wide)
-- Another person because this may be impossible with only one

Before you take your new pal skinny dipping  lay out your towels on one side and the tape sticky side up off to the other side.  You'll place captured parasites on the tape as you pick them off.  Fill up your kitchen sink with warm water (not too hot!) that is deep enough for you to immerse the kitten up to it's neck.  Gently submerse him into the water up to his neck.  Disclaimer:  Your hands may look like you just finished playing Frisbee with a buzz saw when you're done washing kitty but it's for his own good!  Wet his head but be sure not to get water in his ears as this may cause an infection later on.  Hold him there for at least a minute if you can, you'll start to see some of those blood sucking pirates jumping ship when you do this.  The fleas will climb to kitty's head so get the tweezers ready.  Pick off the fleas and press them firmly on the tape (killing them if you can) otherwise they may squirm free and hop away.  Take kitty out of the water, place him on a towel, and massage his body with Dawn as this kills the bugs. You can put a little soap on the top of his head but, again, be careful of his eyes and ears.  When he's nice and lathered up immerse him again and keep picking off the fleas as they climb to his head.  When you've rinsed all the soap off of him wrap him up in a towel and keep him warm.  Fold the tape holding you your captives in half and get rid of it.

Phew!  Thanks for sticking with me.  We picked off at least 50 fleas and I know there are some that we missed so just be diligent and keep at it.  You'll feel like a terrible parent because kitty will be crying and shivering and hanging on for dear life but he will forget about it in a half hour or so and return to being your lap warmer, no questions asked.

Skynet is real!

Awhile ago I found a story from MIT's Magazine website that just about toe-kicked me in the solar plexus with awesomeness! I feel this didn't get the media attention it deserved and I didn't annoy enough people shoving it down their eye sockets so here you go.

We've finally done it, interfaced a biological system with a digital one. These guys successfully planted a microchip on a giant flower beetle that can manipulate its actions by way of an oscilloscope, electrodes, and probably some tech beamed back from the future courtesy of Cyberdyne Systems. Do yourself a favor and geek out a bit over the article, if not jump straight to the video and try hold your jaw up.

If anyone knows of anything else like this, post it in the comments!

Just startin' up

The word "ineffable" is the apex of the English language in my opinion. It literally means "indefinable" or "beyond expression in words." What better way than to write reviews, rants, and thoughts under the guise of something that can't possibly deal with words? Reverse marketing. Whatever.

There is no direction for this blog. You'll find that I love talking about the bleeding-edge of technology, new movies that are good (or terrible), perhaps a bit of philosophy, that icanhascheezburger.com is hilarious, Tom Fulp is a genius, and video games are the best thing to happen to mankind since the Industrial Revolution.

Revisit for randomness, as if there isn't enough of that on the interwebs.